Encouraging others to follow in Governor Parnell's footsteps

Alaska's Governor, Sean Parnell, and leaders from Alaska's domestic violence and sexual assault prevention network, are taking a stand against domestic violence and sexual victimization.  We all need to encourage our leaders to follow in Alaska's footsteps by speaking out, raising awareness, and initiating action toward preventing domestic violence, and the sexual violence of women, men and children.

The statistics in Alaska are alarming.  In the words from a recent speech by Governor Parnell: 

"Most of these crimes are not committed by strangers, but by friends, relatives, parents and caregivers. Adults whom victims are supposed to love and trust. Adults who are supposed to be protectors and care givers.

That’s why this will come as no surprise to you:  The Justice Center at the University of Alaska Anchorage just completed a comprehensive victimization survey. Here are the results in a nutshell: Nearly 60 percent of Alaska women have either been sexually assaulted, physically assaulted or significantly threatened in their lifetime. That’s not just 60 percent of women in Anchorage, Adak and Angoon. It is 60 percent of Alaska’s daughters, mothers, grandmothers, sisters and aunties. These women are day care providers, dental technicians and directors. They are managers and teachers. They are artists and business owners. They are women in our houses of worship. They are our neighbors.

I hope this makes you uncomfortable, because it certainly has that effect on me. What’s more: 60 percent is thought to be a conservative number! Often victims feel too much shame to even admit they were abused. We were not created to be abusers nor to be abused. And yet, when we have this level of abuse – one out of every two-or-three women — we must act.

It’s not just women, of course. STAR says 10 percent of the rape victims they see are boys or men. 30 percent of the children seen at Alaska’s child advocacy centers are boys. WE MUST STOP THE ABUSE, EXPLOITATION AND MALTREATMENT OF OUR CHILDREN."  (The Governor's full speech can be found at: http://www.thegovmonitor.com/world_news/united_states/governor-parnell-outlines-importance-of-public-safety-in-alaska-46464.html )

Governor Parnell goes on to quote the devastating costs to the individual and society, and the cost to tax payers.  But he doesn't stop there.  Outreach, collaborative efforts, education, training leaders, and services for victims are being enforced in Alaska.  Let's keep an eye on what they are doing. 

During Sexual Assault Awareness Month in April, our documentaries, Boys and Men Healing and The Healing Years, films about healing from childhood sexual abuse, will be broadcast on Alaska's PBS station, KTOO/360 North primetime.  The Healing Years, an acclaimed film about women survivors healing from child sexual abuse, will be broadcast Tuesday, April 19th at 8pm, and Boys and Men Healing, our new film about male survivors of sexual abuse will air April 26 at 9pm with a repeat on May 1st at 9pm.

This powerful message by Governor Parnell will introduce each broadcast:

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pT9F4T80_4M

Another Secret of Boyhood Child Sexual Abuse Unleashed

On Sunday, February 20th, Massachusetts Republican Senator Scott Brown was interviewed by Lesley Stahl of "60 Minutes" where he discussed his abusive childhood, revealing the sexual abuse he faced as a child several times by a camp counselor.

Brown's recalls threats by his perpetrator saying, 'If you tell anybody...I'll kill you. I will make sure that nobody believes you.'"  

These kinds of threats by pedophiles are common, silencing innocent victims, sometimes for life. As Dr. Richard Gartner, a leading authority on male child sexual abuse, says, "Being silent about sexual abuse can be even more devastating than the physical acts themselves."

But today, no threat will stop Senator Brown, and thousands of other men from speaking the truth, speaking out, and breaking silence.  In the wake of Oprah's interview with Tyler Perry about his childhood sexual abuse, Oprah's recent shows in November that focused on male child sexual abuse, (where she invited 200 male survivors as part of the audience), and CBS anchor Don Lemon speaking out on national television about his abuse, we're confident these revelations are just the beginning of uncovering this wide spread issue that effects millions of boys and male survivors worldwide.

However, the reality is that thousands of men who may be inspired by these leaders who are exemplary models for helping them break their silence, will most often need places to go for counseling.  Yet, in many communities across the nation, services focusing on the specific needs of men are lacking. Moreover, most sexual assault and child abuse prevention programs developed since the 1970s are designed to respond to the needs of women and children. 

One in six men have childhood experiences of sexual abuse.  Effective treatment is critical to prevent and reduce detrimental outcomes including mental health issues, substance abuse, suicide, and for some, the potential for the cycle of violence.  Staggering statistics link untreated wounds of child sexual abuse with later substance abuse which can escalate to violence and crime for many men.  If we consider the high percentage of men in prison, homeless, or who commit suicide, also have histories of child sexual abuse and neglect, we'll find prevention programs are putting band aids over wounds if the core issue of untreated boyhood rape, molestation and sexual abuse aren’t being addressed.

As producers of the new documentary, Boys and Men Healing about male survivors healing and speaking out for the well-being of individuals and communities, we are utilizing the film as an outreach tool.  Broadcast and film screenings nationwide, in collaboration with state coalitions against sexual assault and other organizations, are designed to educate and motivate dialogue. We are partnering with 1in6, a leading organization and online resource addressing the needs of men sexually abused as boys, in utilizing Boys and Men Healing to train leaders and service providers.  

Making resources available, raising awareness, and ongoing education about the issue are essential.  1in6 recently produced a PSA, narrated by Harrison Ford, which directs viewers to their website filled with comprehensive resources and support including a 24 Hour Online Support Line (www.1in6.org/SupportLine).  MaleSurvivor (www.malesurvivor.org), also an exemplary organization and online resource, is launching Dare to Dream, Lifting the Veil of Secrecy for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse events in communities around the country to  introduce such valuable online resources as their Weekends of Recovery workshops for men to begin and advance their healing.  Howard Frankin, one of the founding members of MaleSurvivor, was the leading spokesperson on Oprah's recent programs.  As Co-Chairperson of the MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery, Howard has directe Weekends of Recovery since 2001 for over 600 men.  He will be part of a panel at the Dare to Dream events to educate the community about the issue and possibilities for healing and hope. 

As Mark Crawford, one of the men profiled in our film says, "Nothing was more powerful then when I spoke out and told my story."  However, he also says, we need to have hope, and "when men have hope they can heal, without a doubt."  When one man speaks out, he can give another man hope. When we create safe spaces for men to speak out and heal, we can create ripple effects that lead toward healthier men and communities.  

The powerful testimonies of men like Senator Brown, Tyler Perry, and Don Lemon, and the hundreds of courageous men I have met in communities across the country who are speaking out and healing, including Clinical Psychologist, Dr. David Lisak, who is also featured in Boys and Men Healing, and recently interviewed by Don Lemon on CNN, have paved the way for a long road ahead to address this serious societal problem in comprehensive ways.  However, we have a long way to go, and every community needs to get in with shovel and dig in deep to make lasting change. 

If we all support men healing and speaking out, educate ourselves to the impact of boyhood child sexual abuse, change laws that continue to oppress survivors and allow pedophiles to freely roam in our communities, and work together to create services addressing the needs of these men and boys, we are one step closer to protecting other boys.  All boys need to be safe and protected, and all men have a right to be abundant and happy in their lives.

Boys and Men Healing: A Review by Roger Canaff

Edited and Reviewed By Roger Canaff - Column Editor

The International Association of Forensic Nurses, 'On The Edge'

The journey toward healing as a male survivor of child sexual abuse is one that often lasts years if not decades.  It is also a grueling process, involving acquiring insight, being frank with others -- and one-self above all -- and requiring remarkable courage. These attributes and the process they facilitate have been showcased tenderly but powerfully in a new video called Boys and Men Healing, produced by Kathy Barbini and Simon Weinberg of Big Voice Pictures.  

Boys and Men Healing focuses on three men in particular and highlights the process all three went through in order to move forward from truly horrific abuse suffered as boys and at the hands of older males.  One of the perpetrators was a priest, one was a family member, and one was a boarder in his mother’s home.  All three men are different in terms of backgrounds and circumstances, but strikingly similar in terms of the impact the abuse had on each of them, and the struggles all have endured to overcome the effects and live fuller lives.  The men speak sometimes on camera, and sometimes in the background, as photographs associated with their memories of the time are shown.  The images give further texture and context to these already powerful and plainspoken narratives. One of the men featured is shown discussing legislation that would lengthen the time an abuse survivor can bring a civil claim against the abuser.  He was personally involved in the effort to get this legislation passed.

Another one of the men is David Lisak, a psychologist who is among the foremost and acclaimed researchers in the field of interpersonal violence, and sexual violence in particular.  His account of finally revealing to his mother the details of the abuse he suffered as child is especially compelling.  The third man talks about the protective and indeed life-saving effect his grandmother had on him, even though she never discussed the abuse with him.  All three men speak with disarming honesty and frankness about their memories of the abuse itself, the dark periods in their lives that followed, and the process of healing they have undergone.  Supportive spouses, partners and friends are also described in the context of each man’s journey.

In addition to the accounts of the three men highlighted in the film, other male survivors also appear, giving the viewer a glimpse at the dynamics of a male survivor support group.  By the end of the video, the viewer gets a deep sense of who these men have fought to become, both because of and in spite of the sexual abuse and exploitation they suffered.  Because of its high production quality, textured presentation, and the truly honest and sincere accounts of the men involved, Boys and Men Healing is a deeply valuable tool for anyone wanting to know more about this horrific phenomenon and its long and painful aftermath.

To order copies of the DVD, please visit the website for Big Voice Pictures athttp://www.bigvoicepictures.com/.  Prices vary, depending on whether the DVD will be used for private use, counseling or organizational purposes, or public showings.  Detailed information can also be found on the main page for the Boys and Men Healingat:  http://www.bigvoicepictures.com/boys-and-men-healing/.

Roger Canaff a widely known child protection and anti-violence against women advocate, legal expert, author and public speaker.  A career Special Victims prosecutor, he has devoted his legal career to the eradication of violence against women and children.  He has worked as a prosecutor in Alexandria, Virginia, the Bronx, New York, and as an Assistant Attorney General with the state of New York as well as a Senior Attorney with the National District Attorneys Association.  In June 2009, he became a Highly Qualified Expert with the US Army, training and advising military prosecutors on Special Victims cases.  He can be contacted at:  Roger@rogercanaff.com

Recent Review of Boys and Men Healing Film

"It's not something that should be kept a secret."

"I didn't know that asking for help would make me powerful." 

"I can't recall a bigger step in my own healing than when I broke my silence." 

Each of the above quotes is from one of the three men whose stories are featured in the new documentary "Boys and Men Healing". Each man has his own history and his own path to healing. But these three men also have a lot in common. Each man was sexually abused as a child, and each has committed himself as an adult to facing his wounds, healing the damage, and putting his experience to work in service to helping others. 

All of these men have found their own ways back to themselves after being profoundly injured and betrayed as children, and their stories are presented in an interwoven fashion, with quiet grace and complete respect throughout. A number of important themes are explored in the course of the film, including the search for justice, the healing power of advocacy and bearing witness for others, and the critical importance of timely, readily available support for men and boys who have been violated and are ready to seek help. 

There were many deeply touching moments for me as I watched, far too many to list, but what stands out the most in my mind after viewing is the material featuring the peer support group for male survivors of childhood sexual abuse attended by one of the three men. I know from personal experience just how powerfully healing such a group can be. The tragedy is that there are still so few of these groups available for men. The need is great, and countless opportunities for lives to be saved, quite literally, are being lost. 

Toward the end of the film, all of the men share their impressions of how their relationships with others (family, friends, intimate partners) have been affected by their childhood wounds and histories. All have experienced challenges and difficulties in this area of their lives; some have made more progress than others. I was particularly affected by a comment from one man's partner, who said, "You have to be willing to walk with them though some of those dark times." I know this is true. I also know that it is very hard to find someone who understands it, and is willing and able to do it consistently. I've been on both sides of this equation; I've failed, and I've been failed. It's not easy to be in either role. 

As I watched "Boys and Men Healing", I felt awed and humbled by the strength, courage, integrity, and dignity demonstrated by the men who spoke and shared their stories with the filmmaker in the service of healing themselves and others. So many men feel so terribly alone with these wounds. Men and boys who've been injured in this way need to know that they are not alone and that healing is possible. I hope this film moves us all one step closer to a world in which sexual violation of boys and men is no longer tolerated and those who've been violated have ready access to the resources they need for healing, and feel safe enough to seek those resources out. 

As one of the participants in the male survivors group says near the end of the film, "Men will tell their stories. We just have to make the space for them to tell it." 

Amen, brother. Amen. 

Rick Belden 
Author, Iron Man Family Outing : Poems About Transition Into A More Conscious Manhood

My Name Is..Supporting Survivors of Abuse in having a Big Voice

Chistopher de Serres is a leader, and survivor of boyhood child sexual abuse, who is a force in helping men and women sexually abused as children speak out.   He's now encouraging survivors to make a short video similar to his touching story,  My Name is Chris.    Chris says, "  I have been silent about my abuse for over 2 decades and this video is my admission that it has affected almost everything about me.  I wanted that happy childhood dream.  But I finally knew that there was nothing I could do to take my childhood back, to wipe away the abuse.  I couldn’t even pretend anymore that the abuse didn’t exist.  There are millions of survivors out there who want to tell their stories.  Yet, we feel isolated and unable to express the deepest pain in our lives. The My Name Is Project is there to provide a survivor a way to express it."  

To find out how to produce your Name Project, visit:

 http://womenspeakout.wordpress.com/2010/11/01/my-name-is-project/

Update on Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 08:49PM by [Your Name Here]

Here's another moving and poignent "My Name is Video" By Jim Austin!  Jim says, "

I found the experience of making my video very liberating. Free-ing. Being able to publicly say how I have felt these 40 years. No more shame. No more guilt. Just the way I feel. And to even say that I "feel" is a huge step forward compared to hiding what I thought was my guilt, my shame. No. They are not mine anymore. They have been re-placed where they should have been 40 years ago."